you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
