We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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