Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
