i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
