Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
