: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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