Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
