I must be too annoying 4 u.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
