At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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