I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
