if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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