Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Still dying that you shit outside
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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