Your mouth is God's brothel.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
