I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize