The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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