Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
