thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
