I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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