if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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