This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
