I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just blew my weed a kiss
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
