I think I can smell my own vagina right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
