she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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