Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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