i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
