You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
