I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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