Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
