Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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