pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
