You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
