I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
