She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
