If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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