my vag is so smooth its legendary
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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