Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
