And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
