im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
