Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
