Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
