If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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