at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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