I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
