yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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