I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
