i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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