Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
