So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm always down for nudity.
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