Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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