she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
