She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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