i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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