This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
