Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
