I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
