I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
