He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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