You're completely useless in the revolution.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
