Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
