Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
