I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
