So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
