i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
