I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
