My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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